Goodbyes are tough

...letting go is much more difficult. This past week has brought about some major changes in my life. I kissed and hugged someone I love dearly goodbye and today I let him go. That old saying of setting something free is lame but true. How else are you ever going to know if someone cares for you than to let them go on their way with your love and support?

And I did that, not really understanding, but understanding myself.

I am strong and wonderful and I found someone strong and wonderful...yet needing peace.

Love is a very very tricky thing. I'm not so sure that I always like Love.

Your wish for resolution was a prayer. Your being here is God’s response. Let go, and watch the stars come out – on the outside and on the inside.

With all your heart, ask for grace, and let go. Most importantly, rebuild yourself. This situation will make you a different person — a better, more unique, more compassionate being. Instead of mourning what was or what could have been, start something new in your life.

Adjustments

Today was another physical therapy day for me and my neck. So far, things have been progressing well, the pain in my shoulder is gone and the numbness that was in my thumb, forearm, middle and forefinger is gone. I am left with numbness in the tip of my middle finger.

I have gone about six times and each time I have been given exercises that I do there and at home and progress is being made.

But today, oh today, was different. I did my customary exercises in the chair, posture perfect, head pulled back tight, head back, waggle chin, tuck, and come back up. Then we got to get on the elevated padded work space. On my stomach, up on my elbows, and I tucked my chin back, put my head back, relaxed my spin and then came back. I was thinking, "hey, this is pretty cool" I wasn't feeling any pain, it felt good on my neck and spin to stretch it. Jennifer was finished with me. I then went to "the rack" as I like to call it. It was a padded table, almost like a massage table as there was an area cut out where you would put your face. But I didn't get to use that. Again, on my stomach, on my elbows and Jennifer told me to tuck my chin. I did as instructed and then little, tiny Jennifer grabbed my chin with one hand and pressing down with her arm on my shoulders she pushed....pushed HARD. At one point I wondered when my lower jaw would break. Then I wondered if my lower jaw doesn't break, will she snap my neck.

But I'm tough and I took it and she stopped. She asked me if I was ok and I nodded and we did it again. Five times.

I thought, "can't be any worse"...until Jennifer told me that now she would do all the work. I wouldn't have to tuck my chin...she did it and basically put all of her weight into pushing my lower jaw back as far as it would go and pushing down on my shoulders and spine.

There were two older women working with their Physical Therapists; one with her knee and one with her hip. They both stopped with their mouths open. One lady actually covered her eyes and said, "I don't want to see this." The other lady said to her therapist, "I'm so glad it's only my knee. I will never complain about it again."

As uncomfortable as it was, it felt good. The numbness in the tip of my finger turned to pins and needles and that is a huge improvement.

I go back tomorrow. I know I go back on the rack tomorrow. I'm just happy that my Physical Therapist isn't a big man. I don't know how much of that pressure I could take.

When is a friendship officially over?

I look back on all of my long-term friendships and wonder what exactly we did as friends to keep them alive even after years apart. Is it just a deep abiding love for each other? Is it mutual respect, a sense of calmness? I have people in my life I grew up with and I can be apart from them for years as I lived away and then see them and it is like there has been no distance, either miles or time.
Then there are friends that I've worked hard to keep the friendship going until a time when I realized I was the only one putting in any effort. So I put out as much effort as they, and the friendship seemed to wither; not a word of explanation.
I asked one such person a couple of weeks ago on the phone "is this over?" I meant is our friendship and association, in his eyes, finished? I asked this because I was receiving cold responses, and an complete lack of feeling.
In that case, I left him alone. His silence said it all. Silence says, "I no longer want you in my life." No other explanation, or response. I understand.
But friendship is a very valuable commodity. When you become my friend it means I make a commitment to you. I'm there to help, to support, to lend a hand, and a shoulder to cry on...and in turn, I expect the same.

I have a group of friends in Chicago whom I see now only a couple of times a year, but each time we gather, it is always filled with laughter and conversation and love.
Two friends in particular in Chicago I count among my closest, Regina and Julie. Two totally different women, two tiny little women, but with huge hearts. I can talk to Regina when I'm having troubles and she listens and offers a kind word and support. It is just impossible to be down around Julie. She expects everyone to be happy and full of love. I'm smiling now as I think of them.

My two close friends in Dallas, Richard and Kevin. I've known them for 25 years and although I don't see them we still catch up with each other and our families.
But a friend I feel, correction, I know I have lost, leaves me baffled. But I cannot fix him and fixing is exactly what he needs but it must come from within. I mourn the loss because he was a good man...but I no longer know who he is now.

Marriage

Real marriage....the day in and day out stuff is what makes them strong.

At 5:00 p.m. Mass today I witnessed simple signs of a true connection. Signs as simple as the husbands hand on his wife's back as they enter the pew. But the gesture that made me smile was the couple that came in and sat two rows up and to the left of me. She had on a sleeveless dress and she genuflected then sat and as her husband sat he reached over and tucked her bra strap under her dress at her shoulder. A simple, easy, loving gesture. It said so many things to me. First, it said, "we are some comfortable with each other." It also told me he had respect for her and a gesture of tucking a label in or a bra strap showed he cared.
Trust me, no man, unless your gay best friend or your husband would do that.
At the Sign of Peace portion of the Mass the married couple in front of me turned and kissed on the lips. Not a quick smack, but a tender, brief, real kiss.
Three rows ahead of me sat a couple in their seventies that had dated in hgigh school and were sweethearts. Her mother suddenly became ill and they had to move leaving him behind. They lost touch. They both went on to college, married others, had children, and when both of their spouses died, they moved to Tulsa, not knowing the other was moving. They found each other in their late 60's at Church and fell back in love and married. I love watching them because it tells me there is true love and it doesn't die.

There are those couples who are lucky enough to be soul mates. Being truly and deeply in love with each other is more than what most people could ask for in a relationship. But when you glimpse it or are around it you feel good...like all things are possible.
It is the little things in a marriage that make it special. The willingness to please each other, the soft touches, and smiling glances, and yes, even the tucking of the bra strap.

I vow to let go of all worries and anxiety in order to be light and free

I read these words and immediately thought, wow, that is going to be my new mantra.
But, can I really do it. Can I set aside all of my worries and concerns to lighten anxiety? Will this simple sentence fix all of doubts, concerns, worries, and fears?

Will a simple sentence take the place of Xanax?

I can certainly incorporate it into my daily meditation and work on this day by day.

As in everything in my life, I can try. I can do. I can learn from my endeavors.

It is only possible to live happily ever after on a daily basis.

Today I had a very busy morning at work. My day started early and I was on the phone and the computer all morning getting results. I was still living off the thrill of my accomplishment at the gym yesterday afternoon. I was feeling the physical affects but it was good because I had done something I didn't think I could.

But the thing that made my day, made me the happiest, was a little 2 1/2 year old girl, that greeted me with a huge smile as I walked into the door at the restaurant at lunch. It was the calling of my name in such an excited way and getting smooches from her that made my heart sing.

Feeling that kind of love is a wonderful thing. It makes you happy down to your bones.

It sends a message to your soul that says, "no matter what else happens today, this little girl loves me for exactly who I am". That is enough.

5 Relationship tips that make sense to me

When it comes to love, relationships can be like cars: constant care and adjustment (instead of pricey and painful visits to the body shop/marriage counselor) are often the best way to improve and strengthen your bond. One of O's staffers gets the lowdown from the experts on five fixes to start making now.



1: "Stop all shame, blame, and criticism. Instead ask for what you want in a clear, specific, and positive manner, and express appreciation for your partner. To elaborate: Men need to feel competent—that they make a contribution and that it is noticed. They like to be told what 'behavior' makes you happy. Since men tend to express affection by doing things, you should interpret their actions as love. When men know what to do and are acknowledged for it, they tend to keep doing it." — Harville Hendrix, PhD, author of Getting the Love You Want

2: "Change from a critical habit of mind, in which you're very involved with your partner's mistakes, to a positive one, in which you catch him doing something right. Notice one small thing, and express genuine appreciation. That will change your interaction patterns from escalating negativity and criticism to building a culture of appreciation." — John M. Gottman, PhD, author of The Relationship Cure: A 5 Step Guide to Strengthening Your Marriage, Family, and Friendships

3: "When your relationship starts to break down, you need AAA: an Apology, Affection, and a promise of Action. You say you're sorry for what you've said or done to hurt or disappoint your partner. You immediately offer a hug, a kiss—some meaningful gesture of warmth. You pledge to do something that matters to your partner ('From now on, I will…'). And, of course, you stick to that. This whole AAA thing can take two minutes, but in that time you've healed the past, built a bridge to the present, and created hope for your future." — Mira Kirshenbaum, psychotherapist and author of The Weekend Marriage

4: "With books on the market like How to Make Love Like a Porn Star, one of the greatest services you can do for a guy is to reassure him that he doesn't have to make love like a porn star. You can show him how to have sex like a woman: creative, sensual, non-genital-based, and more pleasure- than orgasm-focused. Lead him to an experience that goes beyond his penis and makes him fully engaged—mind, body, and soul." — Ian Kerner, PhD, author of She Comes First

5: "All relationships grow a bit stale as time goes by, and the longer-lasting they are, the staler they can get. The best thing you can do is pump in some fresh air. A long weekend in a romantic hideaway would be ideal, but even a few hours in a motel helps. Don't tell anyone where you are, turn off your cell phones, and unplug the TV. When you get home, you'll find your relationship has acquired ruddy cheeks." — Dr. Ruth Westheimer, psychosexual therapist and author of 52 Lessons on Communicating Love