I vow to let go of all worries and anxiety in order to be light and free

I read these words and immediately thought, wow, that is going to be my new mantra.
But, can I really do it. Can I set aside all of my worries and concerns to lighten anxiety? Will this simple sentence fix all of doubts, concerns, worries, and fears?

Will a simple sentence take the place of Xanax?

I can certainly incorporate it into my daily meditation and work on this day by day.

As in everything in my life, I can try. I can do. I can learn from my endeavors.

It is only possible to live happily ever after on a daily basis.

Today I had a very busy morning at work. My day started early and I was on the phone and the computer all morning getting results. I was still living off the thrill of my accomplishment at the gym yesterday afternoon. I was feeling the physical affects but it was good because I had done something I didn't think I could.

But the thing that made my day, made me the happiest, was a little 2 1/2 year old girl, that greeted me with a huge smile as I walked into the door at the restaurant at lunch. It was the calling of my name in such an excited way and getting smooches from her that made my heart sing.

Feeling that kind of love is a wonderful thing. It makes you happy down to your bones.

It sends a message to your soul that says, "no matter what else happens today, this little girl loves me for exactly who I am". That is enough.

5 Relationship tips that make sense to me

When it comes to love, relationships can be like cars: constant care and adjustment (instead of pricey and painful visits to the body shop/marriage counselor) are often the best way to improve and strengthen your bond. One of O's staffers gets the lowdown from the experts on five fixes to start making now.



1: "Stop all shame, blame, and criticism. Instead ask for what you want in a clear, specific, and positive manner, and express appreciation for your partner. To elaborate: Men need to feel competent—that they make a contribution and that it is noticed. They like to be told what 'behavior' makes you happy. Since men tend to express affection by doing things, you should interpret their actions as love. When men know what to do and are acknowledged for it, they tend to keep doing it." — Harville Hendrix, PhD, author of Getting the Love You Want

2: "Change from a critical habit of mind, in which you're very involved with your partner's mistakes, to a positive one, in which you catch him doing something right. Notice one small thing, and express genuine appreciation. That will change your interaction patterns from escalating negativity and criticism to building a culture of appreciation." — John M. Gottman, PhD, author of The Relationship Cure: A 5 Step Guide to Strengthening Your Marriage, Family, and Friendships

3: "When your relationship starts to break down, you need AAA: an Apology, Affection, and a promise of Action. You say you're sorry for what you've said or done to hurt or disappoint your partner. You immediately offer a hug, a kiss—some meaningful gesture of warmth. You pledge to do something that matters to your partner ('From now on, I will…'). And, of course, you stick to that. This whole AAA thing can take two minutes, but in that time you've healed the past, built a bridge to the present, and created hope for your future." — Mira Kirshenbaum, psychotherapist and author of The Weekend Marriage

4: "With books on the market like How to Make Love Like a Porn Star, one of the greatest services you can do for a guy is to reassure him that he doesn't have to make love like a porn star. You can show him how to have sex like a woman: creative, sensual, non-genital-based, and more pleasure- than orgasm-focused. Lead him to an experience that goes beyond his penis and makes him fully engaged—mind, body, and soul." — Ian Kerner, PhD, author of She Comes First

5: "All relationships grow a bit stale as time goes by, and the longer-lasting they are, the staler they can get. The best thing you can do is pump in some fresh air. A long weekend in a romantic hideaway would be ideal, but even a few hours in a motel helps. Don't tell anyone where you are, turn off your cell phones, and unplug the TV. When you get home, you'll find your relationship has acquired ruddy cheeks." — Dr. Ruth Westheimer, psychosexual therapist and author of 52 Lessons on Communicating Love

When people let you down....

Recently I have experienced a situation where I thought my friend was the person he claimed to be. Caring, kind, emotionally mature, respectful, and most importantly I thought he had integrity. Integrity is engraved deep in your soul, and can be read by the people around you based on the way you live and act. Be kind straightforward and honest in your endeavors with every person you meet.

I was wrong and it bothers me.

I am usually such a good judge of character. This time I was fooled and it troubles me. But I have done the wise thing and stopped communicating with this friend. It does me no good to try to figure out why. The why is obvious. Instead of being emotionally mature, he is still handling people like he is in high school. He has no concern for anyone but himself, he knows he hurts people and continues to do so and just moves on to the next person.

I look back and know I was kind and giving and supportive and that is all I needed to be.

Sometimes people are just so messed up that they cannot function with integrity and that is a shame. I'm not sure how you fix that other than taking a long hard look in the mirror and seeing the person you are.

Blaming everyone else is not the answer. You are your own answer. Accept responsibility for both the failures and successes in your life.

But an apology is definitely in order...but I'm not holding my breath.

Wheresoever you go, go with all your heart.

And so I take with me these words. No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.

The Mirror

I no longer look at every reflection of myself and see a map of disappointments. I see vigor, curves and force, an organic tumble of sensual, sexual energy. I stand straighter. I breathe deeper. My heart opens.

I think when you start comparing "up" you only dissappoint yourself. Comparing yourself to a woman that is exquisitely beautiful is not healthy. I learned while working at Impressions that all of those visions of beauty are Photoshopped to the extreme.

I am never going to look like Catherine Zeta-Jones or Elizabeth Taylor. I am blonde, pale, with huge blue eyes,and lips I wish were a bit fuller on the top. But all in all, I'm pleased with my look. I'm not edgy, I admire people that do have that look, but I just look silly.

I saw a girl at Merritt's the other day that has a Betty Page look going. She's done a pretty good job of it and looks wonderful. While I admire her, I could never have that look without looking silly.

As I get older I think I look better...maybe that is just accepting myself for who I am. Don't get me wrong, I still spend a lot of money on my face, specifically the skin on my face, I don't let the sun touch it, and I do not go out in public without color on my lips and eyebrows. But that is me and who I am. Have I had botox, you betcha. Will I do it again? You betcha. I don't like that crease that I get between my eyes and that is where the botox goes. I proudly admit it.

But it's nice to be comfortable and I've never really cared what others thought.

Reading and the smell of a good book

I have been using my Kindle so much lately to read that I forgot the joy of pulling out an old book with leather binding and putting my nose in it and pulling all of that old book smell out.

For some reason one of my favorite times to read is when it is raining. Perhaps it is because that is what we did as children when we couldn't go outside. We read.

I remember I was reading a very good Nancy Drew Mystery and had to go to school but that afternoon it had turned stormy and we I got home I went into my bedroom, sat in my white bean-bag chair and started reading Nancy. My mother brought in some freshly popped popcorn and I got to sit in there and read until it was time for dinner. I still remember the rain on my windows and how cozy I was. I think my Beagle, Suzie, was in there with me, crashed on the bed.

The thought of going into a room lined with old and new books with a glass of bourbon or wine, curling up with a book, and losing myself for several hours sounds wonderful.

Disappointment turns to calmness

We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope.

One relationship turns in a direction not anticipated but nothing can be done to change course.

I've come a long way baby because today after someone I care for hung up on me after a rather cold conversation, I sat back and took a breath, gathered my cell phone and walked out of the small conference room.

Not so long ago I would have picked back up the phone, redialed and said, "don't you ever hang up on me again." I would have meant it.
Don't get me wrong, I do mean it...but it wasn't worth engaging in a battle where there would be no victor.

Another's unhappiness turned into abrupt and cold responses have nothing to do with me. I was kind, I was supportive, I was loving, I was concerned, and giving. In fact, I went way above and beyond for this friend. It isn't my place to be more than that nor could I have read the situation differently.

Leaving one alone seems to be the right track....leaving one alone to figure out their own pain and depression and dysfunction because I shouldn't have to work this hard at a friendship.

It is disappointing and sad that good intentions were met with distain. And it is a shame that the person I knew is no longer the person I am faced with and that is hard to see. Buried under all of that anger and sadness is a really great person. I saw it, I embraced it, and I was happy to have it in my life.

I am a fixer, but I cannot fix this, and I have already fixed what was broken with me and opened my heart and mind to a much happier, healthier life. If you don't want that kind of friend, then that is too bad because I offer the closest friendship, the utmost respect, the deepest love, and unending kindness. All I ask in return is respect, kindness, and to be treated well and communicated with in a manner that is fair.

But after dealing with the goodness, kindness, and wisdom of two very special people today I realized I'm fine...happy in fact....and I have many other people that love and respect and genuinely like me. Thank you Lis, thank you James.

Last night, I received a call from an old friend of mine. He called just to check up on me, just to see if I needed anything from his trip to Dallas, and to see how I was. We have known each other a very long time and he tells me things about his life that I know he shares with no one. It is a special friendship and there have been things we have shared that no one can take away from us....including the death of my Mother. Literally, he stood in the room, his back against the wall, as she died. His strength is always like a blanket I can wrap around me when I need it.

To you, I thank and tell you I love you, and words cannot express the journey we've been on and will continue....even when you irritate the bejeezus out of me.