Disappointment turns to calmness

We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope.

One relationship turns in a direction not anticipated but nothing can be done to change course.

I've come a long way baby because today after someone I care for hung up on me after a rather cold conversation, I sat back and took a breath, gathered my cell phone and walked out of the small conference room.

Not so long ago I would have picked back up the phone, redialed and said, "don't you ever hang up on me again." I would have meant it.
Don't get me wrong, I do mean it...but it wasn't worth engaging in a battle where there would be no victor.

Another's unhappiness turned into abrupt and cold responses have nothing to do with me. I was kind, I was supportive, I was loving, I was concerned, and giving. In fact, I went way above and beyond for this friend. It isn't my place to be more than that nor could I have read the situation differently.

Leaving one alone seems to be the right track....leaving one alone to figure out their own pain and depression and dysfunction because I shouldn't have to work this hard at a friendship.

It is disappointing and sad that good intentions were met with distain. And it is a shame that the person I knew is no longer the person I am faced with and that is hard to see. Buried under all of that anger and sadness is a really great person. I saw it, I embraced it, and I was happy to have it in my life.

I am a fixer, but I cannot fix this, and I have already fixed what was broken with me and opened my heart and mind to a much happier, healthier life. If you don't want that kind of friend, then that is too bad because I offer the closest friendship, the utmost respect, the deepest love, and unending kindness. All I ask in return is respect, kindness, and to be treated well and communicated with in a manner that is fair.

But after dealing with the goodness, kindness, and wisdom of two very special people today I realized I'm fine...happy in fact....and I have many other people that love and respect and genuinely like me. Thank you Lis, thank you James.

Last night, I received a call from an old friend of mine. He called just to check up on me, just to see if I needed anything from his trip to Dallas, and to see how I was. We have known each other a very long time and he tells me things about his life that I know he shares with no one. It is a special friendship and there have been things we have shared that no one can take away from us....including the death of my Mother. Literally, he stood in the room, his back against the wall, as she died. His strength is always like a blanket I can wrap around me when I need it.

To you, I thank and tell you I love you, and words cannot express the journey we've been on and will continue....even when you irritate the bejeezus out of me.